I could keep you locked away
A prisoner in a golden cage.
But you would wither away
Pining for your true love.
"What are you doing?"
Todd Anderson quickly shoved the half-finished poem into his bulging notebook. "Nothing," he muttered. "Just finishing Keating's poem."
"Oh." Neil Perry removed his coat and sat on the edge of his roommate's bed. "Can I see it?"
Todd blushed, and began brushing invisible lint off of his bedspread. "I'd prefer if you didn't." //Yeah, considering it's about you . . . //
Neil shrugged. "That's cool. Listen, I'm going over to Cameron's for some Latin help. Want to come?"
Todd shook his head. "I'd really like to finish this."
"I'll see you later than." Neil lightly brushed a hand along the span of Todd's back, and left the room without a second glance.
"Good-bye," Todd muttered. God, why was he acting this way? Neil was his best friend. Nothing more. They were in a Catholic school, for christ sakes! But one look at Neil and all his uncertainties were forgotten. Todd wanted nothing more than for Neil to hold him and . . .
Sighing, he picked up his pen and began to write.
I could keep you locked away
Hidden from the eyes of the world.
You'd be forced to be in my company
Yet you would never care for me.
" . . . Now the verb 'sum' is only passive if . . ." Cameron scowled at Neil. "Are you even listening to me?!"
"What?!" Neil snapped out of his daydream. "Yeah, I'm sorry Cameron. It's been a really long day."
"Well at least *pretend* to be interested! I mean, you beg me to help you . . ."
Neil still wasn't listening. His thoughts kept turning to Todd, his beautiful roommate. Neil knew that Todd had so much life inside of him. It would only take the right person to bring it out. Neil figured that the key to unlocking Todd's shyness was located somewhere within his poem.
"Neil, define the word 'amavisti'."
Right. Latin. Todd would have to wait.
Todd jumped up from Neil's desk as if shot. "I'm sorry Neil!" He said quickly. "I just wanted to see your script." Todd handed Neil the battered book, cheeks bright red.
Neil took the script, making sure their fingers touched. "Do you like it?"
"It's a good play, but all those lines? How are you going to learn them all?"
Neil smiled. Todd soaked it in, wishing he could make Neil smile at lease a hundred times a day. "I don't know. Maybe you could help me."
"You want *my* help?" Todd asked, dumbfounded.
"Yeah. More than you could possibly imagine." It was Neil's turn to blush.
Todd looked at his roommate curiously. Could Neil mean . . . No. It couldn't be. Neil was perfect in every way. He wouldn't waste his time on a shy loser.
"Todd, can I please see your poem?"
Neil cursed at himself when he realized Todd was retreating back into his shell. "Trust me Neil. I'm a complete failure."
Before he was even aware of it, Neil gently took Todd's hand and held it in his lap. Neither boy spoke, though Todd could swear the entire school could hear his rapidly beating heart.
Finally, Neil said but one word. "Please?"
Todd handed Neil the battered piece of notebook paper that bore his soul. "Be kind," he muttered.
"I could keep you locked away. A prisoner in a golden cage." Todd blushed at hearing these lines spoken out loud, yet Neil paid no attention. "But you would wither away. Pining for your true love. I could keep you locked away. Hidden from the eyes of the world. You'd be forced to be in my company. But you would never care for me." Neil held Todd captive in his gaze for a long moment. Were those tears in the younger boy's eyes? "So you fly free. My Snow while bird. To some you are a symbol of peace. But loving you is more torture than I can bear." Neil caressed Todd's slightly shaking hand with his thumb. "Todd, this is so beautiful."
The tears spilled down Todd's cheeks. "It's about you," he said, a sob choking his voice. "You're my snow white bird - " Todd then began to weep like a child.
"Shh," Neil muttered soothingly, and pulled Todd into his arms. "It's all right." He slowly rubbed the sobbing boy's back.
"It's not all right! I love you Neil! I love you so damn much I hate myself for it." He buried his face in Neil's neck.
Neil had to fight hard to keep his own tears from showing. This is what he wanted to hear for so long. "Don't hate yourself for this Todd," he said, wiping the tears from the younger boy's face.
Todd laughed bitterly, and avoided his roommate's eyes. "So, what now? I just ask that you not tell the other guys."
"Look at me." Reluctantly, Todd obeyed. Neil's eyes spoke of caring, compassion, and possibly even love. "You have nothing to worry about. I'll keep your secret, as long as you keep mine."
Neil caressed Todd's fevered cheek. Todd leaned into the hand, memorizing Neil's touch. "I love you too Todd. I've wanted to tell you for weeks now, but I've been scared of your reaction."
For the first time in months, Todd broke into a genuine smile. "But you're so beautiful Neil. I never would have guessed you were . . ."
Todd blushed. "Stupid, I know."
"Honestly, I don't know what I am. The thought of a man besides you touching me makes me want to vomit." Neil tried to take his hand from Todd's cheek.
"Don't!" Todd said quickly. "I've dreamed of you touching me for so long."
Neil's heart melted. Todd seemed so love starved . . .. he wondered if the younger boy ever heard a kind word from his parents. Granted, Neil's parents weren't exactly the most loving, but through poetry and now acting he was able to stay sane. He was willing to bet anything that Todd's only relief from the outside world was through school work.
"My poor Todd," he whispered, and gently claimed the other boy's mouth. Todd was shocked at first, but soon opened his mouth slightly, deepening the kiss.
Neil moaned into Todd's mouth, and ran his hands over the other boy's fully clothed frame. "I want to touch you," Neil said, breathing hard. "Let me touch you Todd."
"Please touch me Neil. I need to feel you." Neil gently pushed Todd down onto his bed, and skimmed his hands up and down the heavy cotton shirt. One by one the buttons were opened until Todd's skinny chest was revealed. Todd blushed. "I know I'm not much to look at."
"Don't be silly. I think you're very manly." Todd giggled. "What's so funny?"
"I've never been called 'manly' before. All the compliments are usually directed towards my brother."
"Mmm. . . yes." Neil nuzzled against Todd's chest, and kissed one of the tiny pale nipples. "Jeffrey Anderson. Merit scholar, valedictorian, championship football player . . ." He gazed into the endless pools of Todd's grey eyes. "Did I forget anything?"
"You forgot all around God." Todd sighed. "There's no way I can ever measure up to him."
"Then don't drive yourself crazy trying."
"Take your own advice," Todd said, frantically trying to gain access to Neil's warm chest. "You'll never be able to meet your father's insane demands."
Neil pulled away abruptly. "You don't understand Todd."
The younger boy could feel the tears welling up. He had Neil where he wanted him, but ruined any chance he once had. God, what had he done?! "I'm sorry Neil. It was none of my business."
Neil's expression softened. "No Todd. You were right about my father. I just want so much to make him proud! He controls my entire life, you know. What I wear, what classes I take . . ." He kissed Todd's eyebrow. "Even who I date."
"I doubt I'd meet his standards."
Neil laughed, and pulled Todd's head into his lap. He stroked the silken forehead as Todd pulled Neil's shirt from his pants, and gave his stomach butterfly kisses. "Don't take it personally. He wants me to marry a rich bitch."
Todd ran his tounge around Neil's belly button. "How about *Nuwanda*?"
"I don't love Charlie," Neil said, eyes suddenly serious.
"Really?" Todd smirked. "Who do you love?"
"Maybe you know him. He's deathly shy, with a truly artistic soul."
"Is he attractive?"
Neil cupped Todd's cheeks, and slowly drew the younger boy's face up towards his. "My Todd is achingly beautiful."
"You're making me blush." Their lips met with explosive force. With flying fingers, Todd unbuttoned Neil's shirt, and let his hand roam across the bare flesh. Neil moaned into Todd's mouth as the other boy toyed with the sensitive nipples.
"Are you a virgin?" Neil hissed, caressing the prominent bulge in Todd's freshly pressed pants.
"Yes," he moaned, pushing into Todd's hand.
"Don't worry. I am too. What do you see we change that?"
"You're evil Neil," Todd muttered thickly.
"And you love it." Neil unhooked Todd's belt and slowly unzipped his pants. Todd arched up a little so Neil could get the pants down his slim hips and off his body. Neil smiled at the erection trying to escape from Todd's underwear. "What do we have here?" He reached into Todd's underwear and freed the slightly pulsating cock. Todd managed to supress a groan as he felt the other boy's breath on the slightly sticky head.
"Neil!" Todd cried, the teasing more than he could bear.
"Shh Todd. Let me take care of you." Neil traced the length of Todd's naked body with his fingertip. He pulled Todd into another maddening kiss, and both boys were gone . . .
Todd watched Neil tear his own pants off, and throw them on the floor in the heat of passion. "I'm going to fuck you now Todd. Are you ready?"
"Please be gentle."
"Don't worry baby. I won't hurt you, and you won't hurt me." Neil positioned Todd so he was down on his hands and knees. Todd burried his face into the fluffy cotton, whimpering in anticipation. "Relax baby. Tell me if I'm hurting you." With that Neil slowly slid into Todd's tight opening and kissed his sweaty back.
This hurt more than Todd was willing to admit.He felt like Neil was trying to split him in half, yet hidden under the pain was a bit of pleasure. Tears coarsed down Todd's cheeks and saturated his pillow. "Neil," he moaned. "Oh God, Neil!"
Slowly, Neil moved his hips in and out of Todd's tiny frame. Though this felt really good, Neil kepy thinking Todd was going to shatter into a million pieces. "You like that baby?" he whispered.
"Yes!" Todd half sobbed. "I can't hold out much longer!"
Neil took Todd's cock in one hand, and proceeded to jerk him off in time with his thrusts. "Neither can I. Come for me Todd . . ."
Todd could feel his orgasm beginning to build. It lifted him up like a surfer trying to ride a monster wave. He bit down onto the pillow to keep from screaming, and came all over Neil's hand and his own belly.
Neil could feel Todd's muscles tense, trapping his cock, and then spasm as he came. This pushed Neil over the same earthshattering edge. He trembled violently, emptied everything inside of Todd, and colapsed onto the smaller boy's back.
After a long moment, Neil pulled his shrunken flesh out of Todd and laid on the other boy's bed, chest heaving. Todd curled himself into Neil's side, and tried hard not to purr.
Neil gazed tenderly down at his new lover. "Are you okay Todd?"
"I feel better than I have in a long time. Thank you so much Neil." They kissed gently.
"I should be thanking you baby. If it wasn't for that wonderful poem of yours, I never would have known you cared for me." He brushed Todd's longish hair from his eyes.
Todd flushed slightly. "I like it when you call me that."
Neil grinned. "What? Baby?"
"Yeah. I dunno, I guess it makes me feel special and loved."
"Todd, I know you don't believe me right now, but you ARE special. I can't even begin to tell you how much so." He looked at Todd's bedside clock and sighed. "It's really late baby. We'd better get cleaned up."
Todd frowned, furious at the gods for ending what was most likely the best night of his life. "All right Neil. I am kind of tired."
Neil threw on his robe and went to the bathroom for a wet cloth to clean away all evidence of their love making. Todd still lay in bed, grinning stupidly. "I am loved," he said, and burried his face in th e pillow Neil was laying on. He was willing to believe that he could pick *his* Neil out of a room based on scent alone.
"Don't go to sleep yet!" Neil said, and washed away and remaining semen from Todd's hyersensitised skin. To Neil's amusement, Todd found his cock growing hard again.
"I'd like to help you with that baby, but we really should get some sleep." He opened a drawer and took out underwear and pajama pants for both of them. "Not that I'm complaining about having you totaly naked around me."
"Of course not," Todd said, returning Neil's half-smile. "But the guys might find it a bit odd." The boys dressed in silence and, after a passionate good-night kiss, crawled into their respective beds.
Something felt wrong. "Neil?" Todd whispered.
"Do you ever dream?"
"Everyone dreams, baby."
Todd rolled his eyes. "Yes, I know. But do you ever remember what you dream?"
Neil was silent for what seemed to be an eternaty. "Once in a while. Only if it's particularly disturbing." He rolled over to face his lover. "A few years ago, I drempt that I died. I don't remember much about what happened, but I remember that my father didn't care. He seemed *happy* that I was gone." Neil let out a shaky laugh. "Your turn baby. What was the worst dream you've ever had?"
Todd didn't even have to think about it. "Last Wednesday. I drempt that you and I had just made love. We were just holding eachother, and you were whispering the most beautiful things to me."
"That doesn't sound like such a bad dream."
Todd sighed. "That's the thing. It was all so realistic that I touched the side of my bed, expecting to feel you. The emptiness shocked me into waking."
"My poor Todd," Neil said softly.
"That was the night I woke you up because I was crying." Todd wanted to cry just thinking about it.
"This is no dream."
It was Todd's turn to be silent. "Neil, can I ask you a favor?"
"Baby, I'll do anything for you."
"Will you hold me until I fall asleep?"
"Of course." Neil left his bed and pulled Todd into his arms. Todd rested his cheek against Neil's cheek. "Is that better?"
"Much." Todd drew a heart on Neil's chest with his fingertip. "I love feeling your heart beat against my cheek."
This was so beautiful Neil could feel the tears well up in his eyes. "I love holding you."
Todd yawned. "I love you."
"I love you too baby. Good night."
(end part one)
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