Title : If you go away.
Fandom : Dead Poet's Society
Pairing : Todd/Charlie
Author : Marguerite Muguet
Serie : Snippet in my as of yet nonexistent serie which includes Opened Shell
Rating : PG-13
Warnings : Two boys in love, nothing more. (Around 16-17)
Summary : A conversation between the two boys.
Archive : The Marrow of Life, anywhere else, ask first please.
Notes : This was written for Khirsah because she really writes beautifully and she keeps asking if I'm writing. Yes, I'm writing darling. Also, this snippet takes place after God's call.
Feedback : Always appreciated and answered to. Constructive criticism welcomed, flames will only hurt the sender.
Disclaimer : Don't own the characters, just playing with them. Think of them as two Ken :-) The title is from a song, the original was in French : 'Ne me quitte pas' from Brel. I don't know who did the English version.

This wasn't beta'ed. All errors are mine.


If you go away
by Marguerite Muguet

Todd Anderson looked in the living room. When he saw that his brother wasn't there, he quickly grabbed the phone. He hoped his parent weren't going to come back any time soon. Nervously, he composed a telephone number and sat in a chair beside a window.


He kept looking around, expecting his brother to come in and ask him who he was calling. He wasn't good at lying and he hoped that his brother would stay wherever he was. Maybe he was gone. That would make things easier.


"Come on. Come on." What if he wasn't there ? What if his mother or father didn't allow him to speak on the phone with him ? What if...

"Hello ? " Todd smiled in relief. Luck was with him right now. It sounded like Charlie's little sister, Laura. He smiled grew wider when an image of Laura came to his mind. A little girl of ten summers, but already following in her brother's footsteps. She was going to be worse than Charlie, he knew it.

"Hi, can I speak to Charles Dalton, please ?" He looked through the window. It was awful out there. It had been raining since morning. It was that time of the year again. All the leaves had left the trees and the snow had yet to come. The trees looked like drying corpses weeping and the ground like a dirty coat choking the earth.

"A moment, please."

Charlie had been sent home for the week-end after the God's call prank. Todd was still a little angry at what Charlie had done. He had forgiven him because, despite what he said, he had understood that it had been a stupid thing to do. Unfortunately, Todd had had to go home too for his brother's birthday. It was Saturday afternoon and he already missed Charlie. He had even dreamed of him last night. He blushed every time he thought of it, but also smiled.


Todd's heart beat a little faster when he heard Charlie's voice. A sweet feeling and heat spread in his body. He pressed his cheek to the window pane to relieve the heat and looked outside. The rain looked like tears of joy, like water from a fountain. The trees were simply sleeping and the leaves were their blanket.

"It's me."

"Wait a sec."

He heard a sound like a door being closed. He was a little bit scared. Maybe Charlie didn't want to talk to him... maybe he didn't miss him as much.

"Hey, how you doing ?" Todd smiled and his fears withdraw. He had become good at determining Charlie's mood by his voice. Right now, it reminded him of the cave, a late night and of Charlie's cuddles. It was a voice their friends had never heard from Charlie. He was sure they would be very surprised if they ever did.

"Fine, I suppose. How did your parents react ?"

"They frowned, said that I was a bad boy and then told me to dress nice because we had a 'soirée' to attend to." He heard the disgust and the pain in that sentence. Todd remembered Charlie's parent and they were worse at ignoring their children then his parents were. He could understand Charlie better than he thought. They lived the same thing, but they just reacted differently to it.

"And how was Jeffrey's birthday dinner."

"Awful. They gave him a car." It still hurt. After all this time, it still hurt. His brother had always been the proud and joy of his parents. He, on the other hand, was the afterthought. Not important enough, not close enough to *perfection*. Sometimes, he felt like he could disappear from the face of the earth and nothing would change. Jeff would keep on being the perfect student, the perfect son and the perfect person. His parents would go on with their lives. They would eat, work, go to parties and talk about their perfect boy as always. Fortunately, Todd didn't feel like that anymore. Slowly, he had opened up to people and had now a few friends. He still didn't believe they would remain so, but for the time being, he felt happy.

"Of course they gave him one. A perfect car to go with the perfect golden boy."

"Charlie, why don't we..." He really hated talking about that. When they were together (and alone) at Welton, they usually skipped that subject real fast and did more interesting things with their tongues. The phone just didn't allow that kind of activity. Of course, they didn't spend all their time doing *that*, they also talked, but Charlie couldn't stay serious for more than ten seconds.

"Okay. Hey, want to have phone sex ?"

"Charlie ! Be serious." He knew why he was doing it. Every time they talked about something serious and close to them, Charlie started saying crazy things like that. Charlie didn’t talk about things that hurt Todd or him. He wanted to protect himself and Todd. Therefore, sometimes he went along, sometimes not with his crazy ideas. Even if he wanted to, he couldn't go along this time.

"I *am* serious. What are you wearing ?"

"Stop it, Charlie, I'm not playing. God, you're incorrigible."

"That's the way you love me."


They didn't say the words often. It was such a fragile thing. A little vampiric thing which they weren't sure could withstand the light of day. But it bound them, no doubt. At first, Todd hadn't liked the feeling one bit. He had rejected Charlie more than once that summer, but now he didn't want, he couldn't, do that again. Sometimes, he felt disconnected from reality and really thought they would last forever. Other times, he doubted. When it happened, Todd told himself Carpe Diem.

"Hey, maybe I could go to your house and sneak into your bedroom tonight. I've never seen your bedroom."

"Charlie, it's a two hour drive from your house to mine. And my bedroom is on the second floor. I like the way your bones are just fine."

"You're no fun. I try to be romantic and you dash all my hopes with your practicality."

"Charlie Dalton the romantic soul. If they heard you know."

"Only for you." Yes, only for him. He wished they were together. He wanted to look into his eyes without shyness and touch him because he knew he could. He needed to feel those arms around him and hear him reciting some poem he had picked from Mr. Keating’s class. If he closed his eyes, he could practically hear Charlie's saxophone. Maybe he could ask him to play some to him on the phone. Todd's eyes saw a car coming towards his house and suddenly felt cold.


"What ? "

"My parents have come back, I have to go."

"Oh, okay. Todd ?"

"Yeah ?"

"I love you."

"I love you too." The cold was warmed by those words. He smiled a little, a bit sad. Monday seemed very far at that moment. He could see Charlie's face in his mind's eye. He was giving him *the* look. That look that promised delightful sins. The look that he had given him the first time they saw each other at Welton.


It was no more than a whisper. It was answered by an even sadder one.


The click was loud to his ears. He kept looking at the phone, not wanting to get up. Finally, he did when he heard the front door open. Quickly, he went to his bedroom upstairs and closed the door to his sanctuary. He took his pencil and paper. Sitting at his desk, he thought of Charlie.

Later, he dreamed of him.

The End...

Can I tell you now
As you turn to go
I'll be dying slowly
'til the next hello
----If you go away

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